Friday, November 18, 2016

My strange illness (contd)

In the weird delirium that occasionally accompanies stomach/abdominal fever, I had a weird vision.

Docs always associate delirium with the brain because for them the mind is the brain, but most madness is of the lower chakras, esp inflammation-driven, gut activated, unassimilated frenzies; 70% of our mind is in the gut.

Time seemed to telescope in like I was looking back at my life from the end of it. And all I could see was a hungry dog waiting and that made me sad -  for me. That shouldn't only be how I remember this interesting lifetime.

I wished then that I'd not focussed so much, given up on things, konmari'd everything else so much,  preserved the diversity of friend and family more, of party and play, a little  travel and trek. I did outgrow them all, but just sayin'.:)

We really lose sight of balance until we see our memories in perspective, especially the last view of it from the gut.

Though I'm as likely to think of memory as preserved in the brain like any science person, more and more I see the division of all those functions across the body. Maybe loss of gut microbes and their diversity does affect memory. Maybe *the feelings* associated with memory? That's the part that seems to get faked. I see a lot of older people retell stories of their lives very differently, with effortless spin that the young need to lie to imitate.:)

People change with thyroid issues, diabetes, cancer and tuberculosis, long before those are diagnosed. The change may begin with shocks, trauma, change of food, weather, place (culture shock) and the sun.

I change just before and after an abdominal illness. Just before, I'm so tired of the routine and just going through the motions. After my illness I bounce with energy and ideas, it's like joie de vivre flows in abundance. The same routine seems so satisfyingly full and joyful.

That can't be unique to me, it must be restorative to mental health to purge and cleanse. (If the doctors will let you!:) It must give you time to assimilate memories and emotions, that you've expended time on, into the gut that give you a sense of self, a feeling of worth and a reassessment of value of what you do. Really reach the root chakra.

Maybe that's what fevers are for. Some kind of hightened awareness and not the usual drivel about infection. It's a time to be aware of all the places you've stored bad memories, which comes up in our dreams & delirium, and clean out.

Maybe we should even listen to the delirium and hear its message, loosen up or tighten up accordingly. It's as close to madness as we can safely get, and there's genius in it.


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