Monday, August 8, 2016

My Gunda

[long&boring, depressing, sad; it's just to remember him. do skip! next energy stuff about this, more intellectual:]

Gunda died today (7 Aug) at 4:30 pm. He was sickening for a week quite badly, last 3 days with very difficult respiration. He was 5 years old. Too young to die but it's a miracle that he survived so long.

I loved him so much, hated him so much and learnt so much from him. He changed my life and thinking regarding animals and medicine forever.

I'd picked him up as a rescue, a week-old puppy, barely-open eyes, screaming in terror on the sidewalk. I searched for a mother and siblings but couldn't find then (mom probably died of septicemia after giving birth which was especially prevalent in the pregnant dog population that year). I found the siblings a month later - two dwarfish from malnourishment, one cheerful & friendly but bloated with worms. All three were as intelligent as Gunda.

All of them charmers, so they were quickly adopted by the local population, ignoring my pleas to keep then together so that I could have treated them.

They probably died in that month without homeopathic support because I never saw them again. Gunda was already twice the physical size of his wormy sister and four times the size of his dwarfish brothers.

He was the sweetest puppy in the world. Charming, friendly, intelligent, dancing when I sang and learning at a phenomenal rate, Gunda was astonishing. A high IQ,  precocious, enormously strong, empathic puppy who looked like he would change the world.

He could have been a doggy Gandhi or Adi Shankaracharya, a canine superhero. Here was an alpha to beat all alphas, and I had a ringside seat to watch it happen, Reiki to help him and homeopathy to keep him safe! Or so I thought. So wrong.

At first, he'd learn something from each dog and person he came in contact with - open, receptive and strangely, studying them. (Later I realised that he'd been looking for exploitable weakness.:)

He'd spend his day following me, protecting me from everything his size and larger, making me laugh at his courage. He'd look hurt when I laughed - never liked being laughed at!

And he slept more than most puppies. Always on me, on my chest, touching me. I didn't mind. I knew abandoned puppies needed more reassurance than fully parented ones. But it worried me as he grew older and the need was never satiated. The narcolepsy too would hit at times and his breathing would get stentorian and laboured right until the end of his life.

The other peculiar thing was his deep anxiety and fear. He fronted courage as much as he could, but would break down suddenly and lose all confidence when he was in situations he couldn't understand. It reminded me of me!

I wondered if he'd absorbed it from my own energy - the sudden imagining of the trend to a finish, imagining/expecting dreadful and horrible things.As if confronted with the unnatural, malignant or evil in the ignorant or in a situation.

I put it down to the wild imagination that goes with higher IQs, but I should have paid more attention. This is the start of disease, a main trigger.

In time, the puppy grew into a handsome dog. In his teens (10 - 16 months), he fell in love with a pretty girlie to whom he stayed unquestioningly loyal till his last breath ... the sun rose and set because of her!

He'd fight for control of the group on and off, but took it in his stride when he was repulsed. He was 10 months old and had Life smiling on him! His love of food made him plump, good natured and distracted.

Then something enormous changed inside him when he was about a year old. He lost all perspective in puberty. Maybe he got bored, saw clay feet on his heroes, reached a testosterone peak of transformation. Maybe it was a CME or the then-alpha female, Sonu, developing cancer or even me falling sick and being weak. Whatever it was, separated himself from everyone mentally and emotionally.

He'd learnt enough, developed contempt for his weak friends and anger at his strongest. He scorned a hug, a cuddle or a kindness from me, wouldn't come close enough for a pat on the head. His entire demeanor was distant and unfriendly, resentful and sullen, even though he went through the motions with everyone as a group.

Then the fights for control began! Every day, relentless, remorseless hunting down and hurting every animal in his path. For a month or two, I resisted neutering as a method to calm him down. I tried homeopathy with the little I knew to no effect - the transformation was so fast and furious. I managed to stop him from hurting other animals but it was a 24/7 duty and frazzled my nerves! Until one day it was my turn.

He'd growled and warned me off stopping his attacks many times before but I'd always managed to calm him down and send him off to cool down. This particular time though he didn't want to stop, maybe needed to fight me for alpha rights. The attack was savage, mauled my arm and chest badly and I only survived because I was able to keep him off my throat. I was terrified for him, for the people and animals around too, but mostly for him  because everyone was asking me to euthanize him as a rabies risk, and a danger to society.

I had to fight people off, compromise with other solutions and isolate him. I had him neutered and vaccinated the same day to avoid discussion. It took 3 men to catch him after I'd isolated & sedated him, my arm was too bad to help.

I had resisted neuter & vax hoping he'd grow taller, finish growing, but since he was nearly a year old, I couldn't wait any longer. I couldn't risk him biting a human or animal with rabies and becoming a vector, being killed for it!

His enormous physical strength alone was terrifying the neighborhood and men were beginning to fear his extraordinary intelligence. Only women were unafraid of him and he was always particularly polite to them! Strange he never saw them as weak or a challenge, and that they saw him as a guardian and protector!

Either the vax or the neuter seemed to be the final straw that broke him. He never attacked me as badly again but a few times. I kept my distance as well. From then we were two alphas with our own packs - mine all the weaker, emotional dogs, his were the hunters: cruel, fast and defiant of human authority.

This was the time I had to learn Bach flower remedies - the only thing in energy medicine to help him (in all medicine actually - they had to give him 3x the normal sedation & anaesthetic to operate on him. The vets said they'd never seen such a strong, chemically-resistant dog).

Far from preventing his violent attacks on other animals, neutering made him a cunning, cruel, and very cerebral alpha!

He's the only animal that I've been determined to euthanise before I died. The others would manage, even get people to love them, without me.

But Gunda's potent combination of nervous, high strung alertness, anxiety, high IQ, suspicion and physical strength would make his life without my protection, a living hell. They'd have to break his spirit to control him because no chain, wall or gate could hold him - he'd fight for freedom even at the cost of his sanity and life.

No man could have authority over him and he couldn't stand weakness in human (alcoholics, drug addicts, old men, poor men, scared men) or animal (limping, blind, sick or distracted cats, rats, bandicoots, dogs, cows, donkeys, horses). He had no compassion or empathy. No room got error in others because he was so perfect.

The vax made his body sinewy, corded muscle with little fat. His muscles stood out in knots and no amount of homeopathy could remove that vax effect. His skin grew thick, tethery and hard like leather. He developed bone problems - spinal weakness, a disjointed gait, restlessness. His appetite was perverted eating enormous quantities many times a day, but never putting on weight. Nutrients seemed to simply pass through him not assimilated. I attribute all this to vax but it could have just been the change that was happening.

No testosterone meant he controlled his girlfriend with domination alone not letting any other dog near her. She loved it though, the silly girl.:)

I had to separate all the old, weak ones so he only had those he respected around him.

Around this time the cat population boomed. With this hunter at work, organizing a team, day and night, none were safe. He found a way to get on the streets every night.

He did experiment with nipping at three humans but I sat him down and with many mental images of hospitals, vets and death, told him that if he did it again, no power on earth, not me or anything could save him from death by needle. The govt would have him killed not incarcerated. He was so smart he understood either the words or the images - he never bit a human again.Chased bikes and cars, but no biting the rest of his life.

About a year after change/neuter/vax he developed throat and skin problems. His skin grew black.

The two years after were uninterrupted nightly jaunts, barking all night (almost baying, a sound not common to the local street dogs which set him apart vocally) and increasing territory. He guarded his kingdom jealously every night, organizing raids into other alphas territories to acquire more.

He accepted my routine of mealtimes & walks docilely enough, but he was so difficult to handle that we'd have to sneak out between 2 am - 4 am so that no living creature caught his eye! But we had a routine and a life together.

In the last eight months I neglected the dogs because of the number of sick kittens these mama cats were bringing to me. Along with a kitten (foam kit) he and his gang of terrorists had bitten but not killed. They'd killed many by then.

I thought I saw more maturity in him in the last year, but with hindsight, I'm not sure if it was just the disease growing slowing him down. (This energy disease travels down the chakra line but more on that in the next post.)

Two months ago, he looked at me again like he did as a puppy, dancing when I was singing, which took me aback but made me happy that he remembered our old relationship of love and fun. (It was the Kali iod dose that probably did it, end of May.).

All of last month he would obey me unquestioningly, stop on a dime if I called him, follow me around sheepishly for a short while. It was confusing so I paid no heed since he'd still bully others and behave badly when I wasn't looking.

Two weeks ago, a day or so after the "killshot" earth-directed CME, I noticed that the weaker dogs were rebelling against him, barking and growling if he came close, defying his growls. He'd give up easily too. I didn't pay much attention again thinking it was a sun effect which would go after the geomagnetic storm. Sun effects don't just go. I should have known.

His breathing got stentorian all of the last 2 weeks when he slept. He slept rarely being an active dog. It would sound like snoring, but that was probably when his lungs were hepatizing rapidly. During the day he could barely open his eyes for narcolepsy and he had developed some photophobia.

Again, two kittens were sick so I got distracted. He'd never let me give him homeopathy unless it was in the food for all the animals so I offered a remedy, he refused, and I went back to treating kittens.

In last week, the other dogs began to look happy and excited. I've seen this kind of excitement before when an alpha is dying. I was filled with dread and sorrow because despite our difficult relationship, I loved him. He loved me too, very much. He'd sneak into my blanket or sleep at my feet in the early hours of the morning before the walk. He loved Reiki (not homeopathy) and would find my hands and snuggle into them. If I woke up, he'd get up and leave looking bored or busy. Too proud to let me help him openly!

The minute I realised he was dying and he knew that I knew, he'd let me hug him. But not heal him! Except for prana breathing from a distance and Reiki from a distance, he wanted nothing more than for me to be around.

I considered putting him through the trauma of a vet intervention many times especially the last three days when his breathing wouldn't come under control.

But even a drop of homeopathy, a stranger or new vehicle on the road  would upset him to anxiety, stubborn to the end. So I just sat around him and tweeted or healed his beloved girlfriend which he liked very much. And on and off tried to heal him at a distance but his energy accumulation was enormous and I couldn't make a dent without causing him discomfort.

I did do the prana breathing and healed with Reiki from a distance even if he didn't like it and put remedies in food and water in the end against his wishes because I couldn't bear to just sit by. I think on the last day he forgave me for trying.

He stood in the sun during the last 2 days almost inviting death(?) or healing, I don't know. 2 nights before he died he invited me to go with him as he walked through all his rivals territories again (the ones he'd fought so long to obtain!). With all his struggle to breathe, he still ate their food, drank a second rival gang's water; wagged his tail at a fat white cat in the park with evil intent-to-pursue to watch her flee for her life (all this with his breathing oppressed and hard!), defaecated on another rival's territory before returning home. He was showing off! ... to me! Sharing what was important to him - all the power and wealth of the dog world!

The next day I was too tired and anxious for him to sit or walk with him. Everyone assured me he wouldn't die and insisted I go off to sleep. I did. He snuck into bed for the last time and this time, cuddled when I woke for a half hour, taking in the Reiki. The energy close to his body was stuck, so thick that I could push it down and energy-brush him with my fingers. It seemed to relieve him, he couldn't wag his tail but he smiled with his eyes and cuddled closer. In the morning he pretended to eat a little of the kitten food he used to love to steal so much. But he'd stopped drinking water from the evening before so I knew he was preparing to go, the eating was just from affection.
Then we hung around and he let me give him all I wanted to give without resistance for a half hour - homeopathy, Reiki and prana breath, hugs. From noon to 4:00 pm he could only stand and breathe but would go in the street to avoid my distant healing efforts. He came for a last walk with the other dogs at 4 pm.

At 4:30 pm he came running in the gate towards me so I knew the end was here. He got dizzy and fell. We ran up to him, his girlfriend, best friend and I, and he moaned once, for the first time in his life, as his heart convulsed. His girl and his best friend ran up with me. I held on to him for the last two breathes, talking to him and he was gone by 4:35, 5 mins later. RIP, alpha.

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