Friday, May 27, 2016

No more looking

I've stopped looking for Oldie. The guides were right. It's not possible to find him this way, and the stress of looking, hoping, despairing has once again pushed my solar plexus out of whack.

The last fall from kp5 to 2 yesterday was proof enough - fatigue, low bp, abdominal pains, hardening and no temperature regulation so the heat just kills me. My solar plexus is just not up to any emotional stress at all. I wonder if it will ever heal enough.

I spoke to Mr Mahesh, one of Oldie's many faithful guardians, to tell him I'm giving up. He'd stopped long ago and says he's with God. (God believers have it so much easier than atheists that I should consider going back.:)
I can't even think of him without a knot of misery in my stomach. What happened in his mind to make him go away to die when we were all here to help him?:(

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